The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: New school year started. New Gryffindors look worst then
last year’s. Hufflepuffs look dumber then last year and Ravenclaws
just look like Ravenclaws. Slytherins images of perfection, of
course.
Deciding that this year I shall actually make an effort to find
someone. But first, must ask McGonagall exactly what one does in
these sorts of situations. Would ask Trelawney, but find her very
scary.
Other note. Think elves up to something. They have very suspicious
faces.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: I love the personalized opening I managed to get on you. So
very fitting.
Started my first class today. Students love me. Bonded with
Colleagues over dinner. Find potions master strangely alluring.
Must go wash hair. So very hard to keep pure white hair white.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Class started today. Severus acting odder then usual. Minerva spent
the entire dinner snickering to herself.
All of the new students look very promising. Maybe this year the new
Defence teacher will live to the end of the year. I hope so. I also
hope she doesn’t turn out to be evil.
Filch has teamed up with Severus in believing the house elves are up
to something. At least he has moved on from the Weasely twins. Will
wait a month to see if Severus gets this one out of his system
quickly. The theories about Longbottom are strange enough.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Successful day of trailing elves. Have decided that the one
called Dobby is their ringleader. Dumbledore says I’m being paranoid
again. He always says that. Am I the only one who isn’t blind? He
also dismisses my theories about Longbottom trying to kill me as
part of my fantasies as well.
Will show them all.
McGonagall says I should give intended person for my affections
flowers. And not toxic ones. So picky.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Still love opening.
Minvera says Sevvie was asking her what to get someone he fancies.
Must be me. She told him to get flowers. I’m hoping he gets
petunias, those are my favourites.
Students have begun worshipping me.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Found flowers on my desk. How odd. Very pretty, however. Put
preserving spell on them and placed them on shelf.
Petunias such a pretty flower.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Wonderful opening cannot cheer me up today. Flowers never
came. Sevvie obviously lost his nerve.
Isn’t Sevvie such a much nicer name then Snape or nasty old Severus?
He shall always be Sevvie to me.
Want flowers!
Students have erected a shrine to me.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: No reaction from them yet. Should have given roses instead?
Maybe I should have remembered to put my name on the card.
Longbottom made a thinly veiled attempt to kill me today.
Accidentally put in too many spider legs, my wand...
Then he cried and they all assumed it was *my* fault. Stupid people,
can’t they see him for the evil he is?
Will ask McGonagall what to try next.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Longbottom came sobbing into my class today. Obviously this
is just Sevvie trying to reach out with his delicate soul to the
world!
You can see it when you look into his eyes. Those black shiny shiny
eyes.....
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
I may send Severus to Madame Pomfrey. He’s acting increasingly odd.
Found chocolates on my desk. Very tasty. Offered some to Minerva.
This sent her into laughter for some reason.
Maybe I should send her too?
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: He did it again! Only this time I know what the problem is.
Minnie is so very helpful.
Received marriage proposal from Remus Lupin. Had to tearfully turn
him down. Werewolves shed far too much.
Must go find paper and pens.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape.
Journal: Found map on my desk with teachers offices marked.
Professor Leer’s office is circled in bright red ink.
Slightly confused.
She seems to be trying to tell me something. Will ask her later.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: He’s finally gotten it right! Seeing him tonight in the
astronomy tower.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Severus has started putting up wards in his classroom to keep out
house elves. Pomfrey says she can see him on Friday. Good.
Minerva still finding something strangely amusing.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Professor Leer very bouncy and hard to get to the point.
Still unknown why she gave me the map. Says she likes petunias.
Not sure how to respond to that.
McGonagall suggests I write some poetry for my intended. Hmm.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Longbottom has fallen afoul of one of Severus’ house elves traps.
Why Severus thought a rope would stop a house elf, I’m not sure. He
says he’s figured out who they’re working for. Must try and avoid
him until he drops theory.
Talked with Sylvie today. Rather pleasant woman, except every once
in a while she launches into narrative and goes on about her having
huge blue eyes.
Odd girl. Students love her though.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Poetry is not easy. Have found minor inspiration, however.
Your eyes, so blue, like a raintree potion after the monkey gizzard
has been added
Your hair, so white, like the froth of a overheated sleeping draught
And my love for you, it overflows like any potion Longbottom makes
in a attempt to kill me!
I should probably scrap the poetry idea. Will ask McGonagall for
other suggestions. Couldn’t make it rhyme anyway.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Sevvie hasn’t spoken to me at all since the astronomy tower!
I am pouting very much.
He is obviously confused about discovering feelings underneath that
cold shell he projects to the world. I just wish he would get over
it faster.
Students have picked up on my frustration and have begun sacrificing
chickens on the shrine.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Irma says Severus has been taking poetry books out of the library.
She says he was humming to himself. I fear something may soon happen
to the elves. Must stop him.
Will see him tonight. Not sure how poetry features into all of this,
but he’s resourceful.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Poetry books useless. Pince spent entire time peering at me
over shelves. She suspects?
McGonagall suggests I just tell them. Maybe. I should practice on
someone first.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Well, that was a bust.
Must go back to laying traps. Longbottom attempted to aid elves by
disarming them. Won’t be so easy next time!
Elves obviously working for Dark Lord.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Odd conversation with Sevvie. Think he was trying to work up
courage for something to tell me.
Very glad he’s getting out of his little phase.
Maybe now the students will stop killing chickens. Filch is
beginning to complain. I should start calling him Argie. Filch such
a nasty little name.
Must go dance with talking squirrels.
Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Severus definitely acting odd. Made sure to make him promise to see
Pomfrey. He spent entire evening attempting to stutter something out
and then stomped off.
That, at least, was normal. Maybe he isn’t completely gone yet.
Knew thing with Lupin was too much for him.
Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Darkmark hurting. Don’t wish to see my Lord tonight, as I
suspect he no longer believes a word I say.
This cannot be a good thing.
Must figure out way to avoid going.
Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Troubles. Trying to calm Filius down after he came into my office
screaming about squirrels and dark lords.
Maybe there was something to Severus’ squirrel theory.
On second thought, it’s probably coincidence.
Sylvie has been kidnapped. Already Vector, Hagrid and for some
reason, Binns, have volunteered to rush off and rescue her.
I have decided to send Severus as he was supposed to be there ten
minutes ago anyway. He was hiding in a closet.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Part-Veela,
and all-around stupendous teacher.
Diary: Have been kidnapped by Death Eaters. How pedestrian.
Already Voldemort has begun to fall for my charms and has made
mention that he’s doubting his evil ways.
Now, to reel him in.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Voldemort is spouting poetry. I am disturbed.
Found Professor Leer. She’s on a throne and has been declared his
dark queen. Told Flitwick this year’s would turn evil. He owes me
ten galleons.
Save her or run?
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
That one didn’t last long. We hadn’t even made it to Christmas
break.
Tempted to let Severus take the Defence job, except I know he’d be
gone just as quickly. That would be bad.
Out of lemon drops. Must get more.
Will send Severus to get some next time he goes to Diagon Alley for
ingredients.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Dark Queen, Part-Veela and soon to be
ruler of the Wizarding World
Diary: I love my new opening. Voldie has declared his true love
towards me. He is so much better then Sevvie. At least he can get
what room to leave the flowers in right! If he was going to leave
flowers in any rooms, of course.
Struck terror into muggles today. They scream so prettily. All of
the Death Eaters are fighting over me.
I wonder how the various religious sects based on me back at
Hogwarts are doing?
Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Am being used as mere candy gatherer. I feel so
underappreciated.
Grabbed a few chocolate frogs for myself when there.
So far no one seems to have noticed Dark Queen’s reign of terror. I
blame the elves.
Diary of Albus Dumbledore
Decided not to give Severus the Defence job. Instead, I have given
it to Dobby.
I feel this is a very good idea.
Very good.....
Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: The elves have gotten Dumbledore. Must save him.
Very dramatic, really. Although how I will free him remains unseen.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Dark Queen, Part-Veela and soon to be
ruler of the Wizarding World
Diary: Elves are most loyal subjects. Dark elfLord Dobby very
enthusiastic.
Dumbledore is in our power and Voldie has declared me the official
leader. I have also found the most fetching black robe that really
brings out my eyes.
Lucie has gone off to live a life of monkhood once he realized he
loved me far more then he ever could for Narcissa.
Go me.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Found Narcissa at my door sobbing about some dumb blonde
stealing away her Lucy-poo. Decided not to ask.
Gave her tea.
She has decided to help me rescue Dumbledore on the grounds that I
help her get at the Dark Queen.
Yay.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
The elves are good. The elves are our masters. Dobby is very
handsome.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Am losing resolve. How could one suspect such cute little
creatures like the house elves? They are our friends, they want to
help us....
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Disregard that. Snapped out of elf trance by Narcissa.
She’s got a nasty right-hook, she does.
Try same tactic on Dumbledore?
No. Have better idea.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
I should let Minerva choose the new Defense teachers, I really
should. They either never last or they turn on us.
Minor note, Severus has discovered the most interesting way to break
whatever it is the elves cast on us.
He does not suggest that we use it on the students. Lady Malfoy, has
instead, been going around hitting them. Which seems to work just as
well.
I’m rather glad Severus used a different method.
The Diary of Severus T. Snape
Journal: Boo-yah
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Dark Queen, Part-Veela and soon to be
ruler of the Wizarding World
Diary: That stupid Narcissa has ruined everything! I’ll show them!
I’ll show them all!
She freed Snape, who freed Dumbledore (by a incredibly icky way. Now
I’m beginning to wonder if it was really me he fancied. He has NO
taste) and now they’ve freed all the students and the other
teachers!
Not fair!
Will launch counter attack soon.
The Diary of Albus Dumbledore
The Dark Queen attempted to attack the school today. Ended up being
tragically trampled to death by worshipful students.
How ironic?
Severus is very pleasant when he isn’t going on about conspiracies.
Looking into figuring out new ways to keep him quiet.
The Diary of Sylvie Leer, Dark Queen, Part-Veela and soon to be
ruler of the Wizarding World
Diary: Dead.
Damn.
Title: Journals, Diaries, and General Chaos
Author: Rosencrantz
Disclaimer: Rowling owns the Harry Potter books. I own only my
insanity. And possibly Sylvie, but you all can have her. Various
jokes in here are 'stolen' from various Mary Sue fics. I just
couldn't take it anymore.
Warning: This contains very minor, very understated slash. I'm only
warning you so you know to look. You might miss it otherwise. Also
contains silliness.
